The Scumbag Archive

On Liberal and Opposition Leader, John Howard now Prime Minister:

"What we have got is a dead carcass, swinging in the breeze, but nobody will cut it down to replace him."

"He's wound up like a thousand day clock..."

"...the brain-damaged Leader of the Opposition..."

(Of his 1986 leadership) "From this day onwards, Howard will wear his leadership like a crown of thorns, and in the parliament I'll do everything to crucify him."

"He is the greatest job and investment destroyer since the bubonic plague."

"But I will never get to the stage of wanting to lead the nation standing in front of the mirror each morning clipping the eyebrows here and clipping the eyebrows there with Janette and the kids: It's like 'Spot the eyebrows'."

"I am not like the Leader of the Opposition. I did not slither out of the Cabinet room like a mangy maggot..."

"He has more hide than a team of elephants."

"I do not want to hear any mealymouthed talk from the Member for Benelong."

"The principle saboteur, the man with the cheap fistful of dollars."

"Come in sucker."

During Great Debate '96: "You're so rude!"

On former Labor Prime Minister, Bob Hawke:

"Now listen mate," [to John Browne, Minister of Sport, who was proposing a 110 per cent tax deduction for contributions to a Sports Foundation] "you're not getting 110 per cent. You can forget it. This is a fucking Boulevard Hotel special, this is. The trouble is we are dealing with a sports junkie here [gesturing towards Bob Hawke]. I go out for a piss and they pull this one on me. Well that's the last time I leave you two alone. From now on, I'm sticking to you two like shit to a blanket. "

"Old Jellyback."

"Old Silver."

On Wilson "Iron Bar" Tuckey (Liberal politician):

"...You stupid foul-mouthed grub."

"Shut up! Sit down and shut up, you pig!"

"You boxhead you wouldn't know. You are flat out counting past ten."

On Former Leader of the Opposition, John Hewson:

(His performance) is like being flogged with a warm lettuce.

He always turns around when I drop one on him. He can't psychologically handle it.

"There he sits, all dressed up like a Tony Barlow doll but with no place to go.."

I was implying that the Honorable Member for Wentworth was like a lizard on a rock - alive, but looking dead."

"Yesterday, on a personal matter against me, we had old dozy over there, the Honourable Member for Wentworth."

"I have a psychological hold over Hewson... He's like a stone statue in the cemetery."

"I'm not going to be fairy flossed away as my opposite number, John Hewson, is prepared to be fairy flossed away by some spaced out, vacous ad agency. "

"I'd put him in the same class as the rest of them: mediocrity. "

"This is the sort of little-boy, stamp your foot stuff which comes from a financial yuppie when you shoe him into parliament. "

"Hewson's only made the grade on paid advertisements. He's put me under no pressure at all. The only one who's put us under pressure on any issue is Peacock. He's an old cynic and he goes for the issues. Hewson's on television a lot but he hasn't put me under any pressure. "

On former Liberal Party Leader and Shadow Treasurer, Andrew Peacock:

"...what we have here is an intellectual rust bucket."

"He, as Foreign Minister, was swanning around the United States of America with Shirley MacLaine or trying to crash one of Ted Kennedy's parties...and he was trying to play statesman...while he swanned around, and then he made a cowardly attack upon the former Prime Minister before slinking back into his cabinet."

"...if this gutless spiv, and I refer to him as a gutless spiv..."

"...the Leader of the Opposition's inane stupidities."

"He could not rise above his own opportunism or his incapacity to lead."

"I suppose tha the Honourable Gentleman's hair, like his intellect, will recede into th darkness."

"He represents nothing and nobody."

"You've been in the dye pot again, Andrew."

"The Leader of the Opposition is more to be pitied than despised, the poor old thing." "The Liberal Party ought to put him down like a faithful dog because he is of no use to it and of no use to the nation."

"We're not interested in the views of painted, perfumed gigolos."

"It is the first time the Honourable Gentleman has got out from under the sunlamp."

"Bib and Bub. The Leader of the Opposition and his Deputy."

"...a fop such as the present Leader of the Opposition."

On Former Shadow Treasurer, Jim Carlton:

During question time:
Jim Carlton: "Madame Speaker I ask that the offensive term used by the Treasurer be withdrawn."

Keating: "I withdraw it. I wouldn't hurt his feelings for quids. The fact is that the farmer..."

Allen Rocher: "On a point of order Madame Speaker; Can you please inform the house whether the Treasurer withdrew his comment?"

Keating: "Of course I did. I wouldn't offend Old Rosie over there."

"I was nearly chloroformed by the performance of the Honorable Member for Mackellar. It nearly put me right out for the afternoon."

On former Labor Prime Minister, Gough Whitlam:

"In terms of the Labor agenda this government has left every other Labor government bare arsed. No other government even gets within cooee of it. We have a cabinet which has a degree of economic sophistication which puts the Whitlam government into the cavemen class in economic terms."

In conversation with Whitlam:

Whitlam: "That was a good speech. You should go back comrade, and get yourself an honours degree."

Keating: "What for ? Then I'd be like you."

On Former National Party Leader, Ian Sinclair:

"...this piece of vermin, the leader of the National Party."

"What we have as a leader of the National Party is a political carcass with a coat and tie on."

On Liberal, Ken Aldred:

"... the brain-damaged Honorable Member for Bruce made his first parliamentary contribution since being elected, by calling a quorum to silence me for three minutes."

On Independant, Steele Hall:

"The Honorable Member has been in so many parties he is a complete political harlot."

On NSW Liberal, Rosemary Foot:

"I will be ripping her into shreds...she can go and shoot her big mouth off in the Supreme Court. We'll see how she goes there."

On Former Labour politician, Jim McClelland (over the phone):

"That you Jim? Paul Keating here. Just because you swallowed a f***ing dictionary when you were about 15 doesn't give you the right to pour a bucket of shit over the rest of us."

On Mike Codd:

"Codd will be lucky to get a job cleaning shithouses if I ever become Prime Minister."

On the AMP Society (especially the managers):

"...these donkeys..."

"It must get right up their nose, quaffing down the red wine at these fashionable eateries in Bent Street and Collins Street, with the Prime Minister calling them donkeys - but donkeys they are."

On NSW Minister for Housing, Frank Walker:

"I'm always being attacked by delegate Walker. He's been attacking me ever since I used to touch him up in the [ALP] Youth Council 20 years ago."

To a group of Uni students protesting about fees:

"Go and get a job!"